Photo by Dan Felstead
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I stood looking across the field at the church and knew I had to hurry. Every one was already inside and the prayers and vows had certainly begun.
I flung back the old oak doors, "I object!" And they banged their arrpoval. Everyone turned to gape at me. The same people that had seen me grow up and looked at me every day of my life. Until four years ago when I'd left for the city. Today their gazes burned but I ignored them and stared staight ahead.
"We haven't quite gotten to that part Belle." Jack chuckled. He stepped down from the alter and started toward me. Behind him Jennifer shrieked and the guests muttered but he paid them no mind.
"Give me one good reason." He demanded, daring me. Taunting me. He though he could win, that he could get what he wanted and no one would ever step in his way.
"Because you're already married." I said as loud as I could. No one was more shocked than him, he had never belived I'd ever tell. But I couldn't let any one else suffer from my mistakes.
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11 comments:
Fabulous... I love the color and the perspective. :)
I was looking across the field at the church and knew I had to be married there. I changed my big wedding plans for a small affair. Years later I would do it all over again.
There are days when I just need to get away. Take some time for myself away from work, home, Frank, the kids.
Today was one of those days.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me these days. I can’t seem to focus on anything. And my emotions are riding a crazy rollercoaster ride. I’m up. I’m down. This morning was the icing on the cake. The quiche didn’t work out and I completely lost it. Just started bawling. Frank tried to console me, but I just pushed him away and ran out of the house. I just needed some time. Alone.
It was nice, actually, just wandering through the fields. I haven’t done that since I was a kid. Crops are coming in nicely. We’ve had a lot of rain lately, which is nice after that dry spell. But today was nice and clear. I followed Old Man Johnson’s fence to that stand of trees, planning to sit a spell and just let my mind wander. Then I heard music. And singing.
I glanced over and saw the old church that Nana used to take me to on Sundays. She always said that everyone should have a relationship with some sort of higher being. She said it didn’t matter who or what it was, just so long as you believed that there was something bigger than you. I didn’t know what she meant by that at the time. I just really liked being with her. She always smelled of Ivory soap and kept candy in her purse.
I listened to the singing for a while. It was so beautiful. People working together in harmony to make something so wonderful. I stood looking across the field at the church and knew I had to go in.
I suddenly knew what Nana was talking about.
THE COUNTRY CHURCH
I stood looking across the field at the church and I knew I had to go and inspect it more closely. Since my childhood I have been entranced by small country churches and this one was no exception.
Nestled in a field of lush green grass, surrounded by tall, majestic trees, I am swept back to my youth. Running with friends through the grass outdoors, listening as the church bell chimes the holy hour. Settled into worn oak pews, the restlessness of youth was soon replaced by the studiousness of my teenage years.
Reaching into adulthood, our tiny country church became the place of sacred vows between man and woman, sealing our futures in God's lovely home. Parenthood arrived with several small children, each baptised in the church's font, loving cared for by the parson-keeper.
Now in the twilight of my life, my soul is called back to the church of my past. Although long gone with the strength of Mother Nature, this similar church still holds the charm of the one from my youth.
So, yes, I knew I had to go and inspect it more closely - because if I don't do it now, I may never get the chance again.
Michelle, Cagrowngirl, Crazymo and Bobbi...you have made my day! Your feelings and sentiments are so uplifting and free...I am going to copy your writings just to look back on during one of those days when I need a lift. I couldn't have said it better. Thanks,
Dan
I stood looking acroos the field at the church and knew that I had to go inside for the first time in a year. Memories of my dad's funeral still haunted me. And they've kept me as mad as hell at Brother Stan - or, as he prefers to be called, "Dr. Douds." For the love of Christ!
Dad had farmed this land for a good 60 years. Preachers had come and gone, and Stan was the first one to flaunt his doctorate. Hell, for all I know, he is the first and only preacher to serve Pearson's Chapel who'd finished college.
That funeral tore everyone up, because it was so not like my father. Bach and Handel? We had asked for "Precious Memories" and "How Great Thou Art." A "homily"? What happened to dad's eulogy? Have you ever said the Apostles Creed at a funeral? Most of us stood there and mumbled something.
The heartbreaker for us was the closed casket. Before, during, and after the funeral. I know the Smith brothers, and they wouldn't have done that without being told to. Mother was so torn up already. Now she didn't have a chance to tell dad 'goodbye.'
But I'm going in. If no one else is there, I'll play "Amazing Grace" on the old piano. And if Stan is there, I'll call him 'Brother Stan' and maybe we'll share a cup of coffee back in the kitchen.
I felt like my heart was broken. I felt like I had perhaps made the wrong decision. I sat on our dirty couch, looking at my husband of three months and sighing. He seemed so unhappy. What had I done? All he would do was watch football and sleep. Had I done the right thing? I knew marriage was hard, but I thought there was supposed to be a honeymoon stage when everything was rose-colored and happy. This was not the picture I had painted in my head throughout our engagement. What happened? I didn't know who to turn to. I didn't want anyone outside of my marriage to think it was going to end. Because I didn't believe in divorce. I didn't want it to end. There had to be another way.
I grabbed my purse and keys. He didn't seem to care I was leaving. I felt like I couldn't breath. I needed air. I whispered to him that I would be back and he barely nodded his head without looking up.
The drive was short, but my thoughts were spinning. What was I going to do? What would the future with him be? I let the questions form tears as I sobbed and cried out to the only one I felt I could.
Then I saw it. The white walls called to me. The steeple beckoned to me. The sight of it reminded me of the day I took my vows. The day I bound myself to him. The man I loved, who I knew loved me. The man that was having difficulty adjusting...and I remembered how I had felt. I had knelt at the alter and looked into his face. I had known it was right. The glow in my chest was unmistakable.
I stopped my car and got out. I stood looking across the field at the church and knew I had to kneel. So that's what I did. I poured everything out. I was overcome until my tears ceased. The choking pain in my lungs weakened and lifted from me. I knew I was where He wanted me. If it was to be hard for a while, it would be hard. But I was in this marriage for a purpose and I loved my husband.
I drove home slowly. Wondering what I should do when I come back through the door. Nothing came to mind. I didn't know what I would do.
The time came sooner than I thought. Suddenly, I was walking to the door and I had no plan in mind. Opening the door, I could still hear the television. He hadn't moved.
I walked in, brushed my hand on his cheek, rested it on his shoulder, and bent to put my lips to his ear. "I love you." I whispered. Then the tears came again.
This time they were shared. They wouldn't be the only tears we shed together, but this moment was one we both would remember forever.
John and Dani...totally different takes on the photo than previous comments...great stories and they drew me in as I read. Thank you for your interpretations.
Dan
I stood looking across the field at the church and knew I had to hurry. Every one was already inside and the prayers and vows had certainly begun.
I flung back the old oak doors, "I object!" And they banged their arrpoval. Everyone turned to gape at me. The same people that had seen me grow up and looked at me every day of my life. Until four years ago when I'd left for the city. Today their gazes burned but I ignored them and stared staight ahead.
"We haven't quite gotten to that part Belle." Jack chuckled. He stepped down from the alter and started toward me. Behind him Jennifer shrieked and the guests muttered but he paid them no mind.
"Give me one good reason." He demanded, daring me. Taunting me. He though he could win, that he could get what he wanted and no one would ever step in his way.
"Because you're already married." I said as loud as I could. No one was more shocked than him, he had never belived I'd ever tell.
But I couldn't let any one else suffer from my mistakes.
I stood looking across the field at the church and knew I had to run the other way. There are two places people would go in a crisis like this: Hospitals and Churches. But still, the way seemed clear and I couldn't go back. They were following. They were coming.
I crouched and looked quickly right, then left. A few quick breaths and I was gone, running as fast as I could towards the old white building. The hard grass crunched grotesquely under my worn sneakers and it hurt my sore feet.
I hadn't bothered to slow myself down and ran, arms first, right into the side of the building. Gasping to bring air into my chest, which grew smaller and heavier with every breath, I felt my way around the corner. Then I heard it: a low, gurgling moan from the other side of the old wooden doors. I screamed in protest and fell to the ground, crying. I was beyond starving, my sides ached and my legs were seizing. I was at my mental limits but the sun was setting and I'd have to find some place to survive the night...
... go home. Things were just more simple in the cornfields of my youth. There was a familiar routine and familiar stillness there that are hard to find in my busy life as a new adult so far away from my Midwest roots. Seeing that church in that light in that field reminded me of just how much I needed to go home to find the stillness and simple routine that always bring me back to center. Seeing that church made me ache for home, ache for simplicity, ache for my childhood more than I cared to admit.
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